My goal throughout this whole divorce/separation process has been “to learn”. Learn what? Geez, the more I think about it, the more I begin thinking oh, the things you can learn!!
- From your mistakes – the ending of a relationship takes two people, one may carry more blame than the other or there may have been a specific precipitating factor but that doesn’t take away the fact that we are human and make mistakes especially with our partners. As my mother always says, ‘it takes two to tango.’ 🙂 The focus is to acknowledge it,learn from it and move on.
- More about yourself – the further away from the situation you get, the more you are able to see the person you really are and to understand your needs better. Throughout this process one thing I learned about myself is one of my Love Languages is physical touch, when I’m having a bad day and things aren’t going right, what really helps to get me back on track is a good HUG. 🙂
- To ask for help – it is not a sign of weakness admitting you can’t do it alone, it takes strength and humility to ask for help. It will be a process, there will be good days when you feel like you have all your sh*t together and then there will be days when you think you can’t possibly put pants on!! That’s okay. 🙂
- To create new memories/traditions – perhaps there was that one “special event” you did every year as a couple/as a family and now that you are apart, you miss it or find yourself feeling sad. Now is your opportunity to create new memories and create new traditions for yourself and your child/children.
- What you want in a partner – initially, the idea of ever having a relationship again was simply appalling, I wouldn’t dream of it! Eventually, you may find yourself ready to get out there again in search of a partner. Now is your chance to stop and think about your ex and remember those aspects of your relationship that you loved and those you didn’t. When you take the time to learn about yourself, you learn about what you need in a partner and learn what it is you can offer a potential partner.
- Who/what your supports are – as i had mentioned in a previous post, unfortunately you do find out who your real friends are and who were those people just along for the ride or “fair weather.” Step back and acknowledge those supports, those friends that are still with you and continue to nurture those relationships.
These are just a few lessons I have been learning throughout my journey. As each day, week, month passes I’m sure I will continue to discover more life lessons to learn. I hope you find these helpful and if you have learned other lessons, please feel free to share. 🙂