4 Years

Some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go. – Hermann Hesse

Four years ago today I did one of the scariest things I have ever done.  It scared me so much that I debated it for months before finally taking the step.  Four years ago today, I filed for divorce.  At that point, there was so much unknown in my future.

I was full of fear, anticipation, desperation, excitement, a sense of freedom and much, much more.  Those first few months were hard, trying to adjust to my ‘new normal’, learning how to parent on my own, learning to rely on others for help/support, and simply making sure all the bills were paid and my son had food to eat.

Every year since then, I stop and take a look back and reflect on all that has taken place since that day in 2013.  So much…..that’s what has taken place! 😉 lol There has been a lot of growth and a lot of change.  I started this process feeling scared and unsure, some days thinking I wasn’t going to make it through this.  Today, I can proudly say that I am a much more confident, self-assured, emotionally and physically healthy woman.  That is in no way saying I don’t still have work to do.  We all do, but I can look back and see my times of growth and strength.  That is something that motivates me to keep going.

If you are in a similar situation and are scared out of your mind or unsure.  I completely understand.  No matter what your ‘story’ is, this is not an easy process.  There are so many connections to be severed and then  you are left to try and heal the wounds.  The biggest piece of advice that I could give you is…….open your eyes to those around you.   Stop and take a moment and realize that despite all the mistakes you may have made or decisions you’ve made, there are people around you that care about you and love you.  You are not alone in this.

I will truthfully tell you that there is no way I would be where I am today, if it wasn’t for the love and support of my friends and family.  Each person had their own role in my growth and healing in the last four years.

  • There was the kindness of strangers and fellow church members that made sure my son and I had food to eat those months when I didn’t have the money for groceries.
  • There was my mom, oh dear lord, what has she not done for me?!  She has been my shoulder to cry on, my listening ear, my babysitter, the person forcing me out bed, my biggest cheerleader and the person to give me the metaphorical ‘slap across the face’ I needed in times of desperation.
  • My sisters, 🙂 they each played their roles as well.  My one sister was the one I could moan and complain to, as well as curse and swear with on those tough days.  My other sister was the one that I knew could keep me distracted for just a little bit if I needed.
  • My fellow Mamas…..all of them.  The ones who have been Mamas for years before me, those learning how to be a mom along side me, the married Mamas, the single Mamas, the ‘it’s complicated’ Mamas! 😉 lol Having this village of women to swap stories with and get advice from was and is so helpful for me.
  • The ‘been there since the beginning’ friends.  The ones that knew me before marriage, before a baby.  Those friends that have been alongside me through many ups and downs.  They were the constants in all this.  We may not talk everyday, hang out every weekend, but they were there for me when it was needed.  Those nights when I just couldn’t stand being home alone in an empty house, we had slumber parties.  🙂  Those who worked to schedule Girls’ Nites weeks in advice so that we all could have time to catch up.

I could keep going on and on about all the wonderful people who have helped me get to where I am today.  Divorce is a scary process, important life choices are difficult and aren’t things we can do alone.  Please, if you are feeling scared and alone in your journey, take a moment.  Take a moment to look around and see those people around you that are there for you and love you.



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