Successful love is not necessarily love that lasts forever. Successful love is any love that taught you, that changed you, that grew you. You did not waste your love ever. – Glennon Doyle
I came across that quote and picture today and it really sparked an internal conversation within me. It got me thinking about my failed marriage and relationships. When referring to past relationships, many people (including myself) call them failed relationships. Why is that?
We are taught and we grow to believe that because that particular love/relationship didn’t last forever that it was a failure. We tell ourselves, I failed; I couldn’t keep us together; I should have done this; I should have done that. Yes, there are times when people make mistakes in relationships…..we are human after all. I’m not saying there is no blame in relationships ending, but what I am saying is, just because the relationship ends does not mean it’s a failure.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, I cannot say my marriage was a mistake, because that would be saying my son was mistake and that is far from the truth. I realize now, that I must stop referring to my marriage as a failed marriage because that is not true either. If anything, it was a successful marriage. Successful marriage? Uhm…..Emily….hello, you aren’t married anymore! That’s probably what you’re thinking right now, huh? 😉
You’re right, I am no longer married. I am no longer married because I learned through that marriage the kind of love and relationship that I deserve and want. That marriage was not it. I now know who I am as a person and what I want in a marriage, a relationship, a partnership. Those things were not what I had. In the end, all of it taught me more about myself, my world and my desires. I am a better, stronger, more confident woman because of it.
So, here we are, February 13th, the day before Valentine’s Day. I can choose to sit at home alone tomorrow and bemoan the fact that I am single and not in a relationship. Or…….I can celebrate the successful love that I have experienced in my life. I can celebrate my marriage and the relationships that didn’t last since my divorce. I can spend the time acknowledging what those relationships have given me and taught me.
All I ask is that you do the same. Stop using the word failed. Your past relationships were not failures because they ended. They were successes because they were! Focus not on what you have lost, but what you have gained. 🙂 ❤ And, as always….
NEVER GIVE UP